


Little Rascal

by panda_shi



Category: Naruto
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambitious But Rubbish, Anbu Yamato | Tenzou, Awkwardness, Child Neglect, Child Yamato | Tenzou, Comedy, Crack, Cute, Feels, Hokage Hatake Kakashi, M/M, Parenthood, Past Child Abuse, Post-Naruto Time Skip | Naruto Shippuden, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Psychological Trauma, Single Parents, Sweet, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:07:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29957955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panda_shi/pseuds/panda_shi
Summary: It’s not like Kakashi’s request is ludicrous. It’s a perfectly respectable S-class mission of the greatest caliber. On top of that, Iruka accepting this mission would do Kakashi a great service; imagine getting owed a favor by the Rokudaime Hatake Kakashi, no terms and conditions. Just an open favor. Kakashi would like to think that the entire damn village if not all five great nations would line up for that opportunity.Kakashi decides that okay, given the situation, he doesn’t mind repeating himself.“The head of ANBU has met an unfortunate accident while accompanying me in the vault. Because of his caliber in protecting me, I remain unharmed and unchanged thanks to his quick reflexes and timely action. Unfortunately, his current state has altered and I need you, Umino Iruka, to care for him and his needs in this difficult time.”
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Umino Iruka, Umino Iruka & Yamato | Tenzou
Comments: 14
Kudos: 42
Collections: Theme Of The Month Events





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Pygmy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/488628) by [panda_shi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/panda_shi/pseuds/panda_shi). 



> Self-beta'd. 
> 
> Written for the Discord: Tenzou's Cabin monthly event prompt, Little Rascals. Though I'm making that singular as opposed to plural for the title.

Iruka is staring at the Rokudaime, like he’s just been slapped across the face by a wiggling squid. Much to Kakashi’s chagrin. This is not exactly the reaction he had been hoping to get from Iruka. He had hoped Iruka would maybe yell, maybe twitch, maybe stammer, or blush (he does that a lot, weirdly). But not stand there like he’s a large immovable boulder, staring into the depths of Kakashi’s soul, digging for information, truth and what have you.

And iruka is still staring at hime like he’s a foreign animal.

Really, _must_ Iruka look so judgy?

Did Kakashi oh so happen to speak in a foreign language, perhaps?

“I’m sorry, Hokage-sama, but, I think I misheard you…”

Kakashi _sighs_.

Oh poo.

“Which part?” Kakashi deadpans.

“Uhm – with all due respect, Hokage-sama, but everything that has left your mouth the past two minutes?” Iruka says. Tartly.

Why is he being _tart_?

It’s not like Kakashi’s request is ludicrous. It’s a perfectly respectable S-class mission of the greatest caliber. On top of that, Iruka accepting this mission would do Kakashi a great service; imagine getting owed a favor by the Rokudaime Hatake Kakashi, no terms and conditions. Just an open favor. Kakashi would like to think that the entire damn village if not all five great nations would line up for _that_ opportunity.

Kakashi decides that okay, given the situation, he doesn’t mind repeating himself.

“The head of ANBU has met an unfortunate accident while accompanying me in the vault. Because of his caliber in protecting me, I remain unharmed and unchanged thanks to his quick reflexes and timely action. Unfortunately, his current state has altered and I need you, Umino Iruka, to care for him and his needs in this difficult time.”

Kakashi hates it when he has to speak so formally. Especially when he has to word it so diplomatically like _that_. He doesn’t sound like himself at all. He sounds like a court pomp!

“What state is your head of ANBU in that you want _me_ to care for this… ANBU agent?” Iruka finally asks, thank heavens, moving away from the shock already.

Really. Iruka can be quite slow, Kakashi finds.

“Oh, here,” Kakashi says, holding up a finger in a one-second gesture.

He reaches for the bundle under his desk and pulls out what a heavily swathed, tightly wrapped bundle of a human being, no more than two and half feet in length (or height) and deposits the burrito of a person on his desk. Tenzou remains unmoving, blinking wide dark eyes in something that may have been fear. Kakashi isn’t sure. Like a banana, the curved burrito of a child sort of miserably see-saws back and forth on Kakashi’s desk, on top of all the papers and dossiers, chin wrinkled and a frown etched between his brows. Kakashi had to make sure he doesn’t lose Tenzou, make sure that the bindings of the numerous field bandage rolls would mean that Tenzou can’t escape. Because there’s no telling if Tenzou still had his abilities to escape captivity in this two and half feet form of a child. Kakashi gestures at the sausage on his desk, and smiles at Iruka.

Iruka who looks _appalled_.

Mortified.

Jaw dropping.

“Oh my god, Hokage-sama, what the hell – how long has he been under your desk?” Iruka looks like he’s going through cardiac arrest; it’s a bit of an exaggerated reaction, Kakashi feels.

Really, Tenzou has been in far worse situations than being bundled up like a burrito. And really, Tenzou’s been under Kakashi’s desk, too, but Iruka doesn’t need to know about that.

“Twenty minutes?” Kakashi offers, shrugging.

“Hokage-sama!” Iruka says, surging forward, quickly making work of the bandage and freeing Tenzou.

Who starts to cry.

Big fat, watery tears. It’s almost comical.

Tenzou’s eyes are so big as his flushed from the binding arms escapes the collar of his ANBU singlet. Iruka makes weird, soft sympathetic noises, rolling six bandages rolls free and setting it aside to reveal a very small, very undernourished, all knees and elbows form of a child with a head a little too big for his narrow shoulders. Iruka picks Tenzou up from the desk, tucking the boy in an arm and rubbing his back, bouncing him a little to comfort. Kakashi knows he’s chosen the right person to handle this unfortunate situation when Tenzou curls against Iruka’s chest, shaking like a little leaf – which is weird because, Kakashi didn’t bind that bandages that tight. And there’s plenty of light under his desk.

The desk had been a better option than his filing cabinet.

Children are so dramatic.

“Iruka, meet Tenzou. Or Yamato, as you may be more familiar with that name,” Kakashi says, gesturing at the boy who is now busy hiding his face behind his small hands on Iruka’s shoulder.

“Yamato-taichou?” Iruka says, turning to look at the boy buried on his shoulder. “How did this even happen? Is this reversible?”

“We’re working on revese engineering the jutsu. I’m involved, so we’re hoping, at most, after successful test-runs to ensure his safety, this can be over in a week.”

“So your S-class mission, Hokage-sama, is to turn me into a babysitter for your head of ANBU and security,”

“I love it when we’re on the same page~” Kakashi’s eyes turn to perfect little happy, smug arcs.

Iruka opens his mouth to say something but ends up exhaling an appalled huff. “I am pretty sure there are others who are far more qualified than me for this.”

Kakashi points a finger at Tenzou who hasn’t budged from his curled up position on Iruka’s shoulder. “I beg to differ.”

“Hokage-sama, I don’t even have the space at home to raise a small child! I have a full class schedule from seven to four and a mission desk shift from five to ten! How on earth will I care for Yamato-kun?” Iruka

“A one bedroom will suffice, I think.” Kakashi rubs his chin. It’s not like Tenzou is a huge person right now.

“I live in a small studio, Hokage-sama,”

“You do?” Kakashi tilts his head, confused as hell.

“I’m sorry, is that strange? The Academy hasn’t had a raise in pay for the past ten years; it’s all I can afford! Please don’t judge me!” Iruka flushes, his eyebrows knitting together even more.

“Oh…” Kakashi looks at a spot on his desk. Well this is awkward. “Right, well.” He’s going to have to pull something out of his ass. “All the more reason for you to handle this. To be honest Iruka, it’s best to address him as Tenzou-kun moving forward, at least until we can reverse this. I have some documentation here stating that you are fostering this child temporarily until the Hokage can rehome him. So people shouldn’t ask you questions. You are, for the time being his legal guardian. Given that the orphanage is currently understaffed, and I need you to keep him by your side at all times, I am granting you leave with pay for the next one week, on top of the pay you’ll get once this mission is complete.”

Hah! Brilliant! Pulling diplomatic rubbish from ass success!

“Uh…”

“Any supplies or expenses you may incur caring for Tenzou, bill it to me directly. You don’t have to go through finance,” Kakashi says, reaching into his wallet and taking out a large wad of cash. “Will this be enough to start?”

Iruka is _staring_ again in that weird stare of his.

“I am _not_ taking your money. I will bill you, Hokage-sama,” Iruka says, tartly. Again.

What has he said _now_ to get that disapproving shaming tone?

Kakashi stands, rounding his desk and tucks the entire wad into Iruka’s pocket, patting his thigh and pointedly ignoring Iruka’s protesting squawks. “I insist.”

“Why can’t _you_ care for him? He’s your subordinate!” Iruka asks, slapping Kakashi’s hand away from his pocket.

Missed!

“I have no talent in caring for people less than five feet tall. That much, I can admit without shame. When one is not in any position to accept a challenge, one must know when to take a step back and hand the torch to someone more capable. Which, Iruka-sensei, happens to be you! I am counting on your discretion!”

“ _Are you kidding me_?”

“Thank you for accepting. Oh, Sakura is aware of this and is on call for any medical related issue~” Kakashi nods.

“I can refuse a mission!” Iruka protests, alebit not as confidently.

“Not if it’s a direct order from the Hokage~” Kakashi sing-songs. “And this, Iruka-sensei, is a direct order~ I suggest you enjoy the week off! I hear you work very hard~”

Iruka flushes to the roots of his hair, gives Kakashi his most unimpressed look before huffing and storming out of his office, feet stomping like a gargantuan Forest of Death insect and slamming the door behind him.

Kakashi claps his head together.

Excellent.

With that out of the way, he opens the scroll before him that is solely responsible for this mess in the first place and proceeds to try to figure out the ancient seals upon it that can, hopefully, reverse Tenzou back to his rightful self without his body exploding to smithereens.

Tenzou will be in good hands with Iruka. Iruka, after all, is responsible for who Naruto is today. There`s no better person to care for Tenzou other than Iruka himself.

That and, well, hopefully, Iruka can develop some sort of attachment to Tenzou after this.

Quite frankly, Kakashi is getting tired of Tenzou`s silly puppy crush (that`s going nowhere) on the Academy teacher.

Two birds, one stone.

Really, and they say a Hokage`s job is hard.

*

The first order of business is to take Tenzou home and examine him.

Iruka gets a wet, warm rag and starts to dab some of the dust and soot smudges from Tenzou’s body, setting aside the singlet that is far too big for a boy his size. Tenzou was practically swimming in them, his entire frame easily slipping past the neckline easily, without much effort of a tug at all.

Seated on Iruka’s worn but still plush sofa, Tenzou remains still, his hands gripping the mismatched cushions as his eyes darts left and right. Iruka is very gentle in cleaning him up, before he gets to the task of untangling his very long and very matted hair.

“This is in very bad shape, Tenzou-kun,” Iruka says softly, working the wide toothed comb through the tangles. “I’m so sorry, but this might hurt a little okay?”

Tenzou’s eyes water a bit but he mostly remains quiet, swaying back and forth with each section Iruka works on. Iruka had to resort in watering some of his conditioner into a spray bottle, just to get the mess undone. It helps ease some of the tangles, makes it easier to run a comb through the thick, soft, silky jet ash brown hair that by the time Iruka is done, Tenzou’s hair is gleaming like something out of a shampoo commercial. Iruka can’t help but feel a little proud.

“Look at you,” Iruka says, pushing Tenzou’s very long bangs off his face and hands him a mirror to look at himself. “Look at handsome you are, Tenzou-kun~”

Tenzou says nothing but simply stares at his reflection.

Iruka pats him and looks at his fridge; he had nothing on hand that would suit a child. No snacks, no drinks, nothing. Iruka sticks his hand into his pocket and takes out the wad of large bills Kakashi had unceremoniously shoved onto his person, giving it its first full count. He’s never held this much money in his hand in any given time. It’s a little too much, if Iruka is being honest.

Taking a few that Iruka hopes would be enough for clothes, food and drinks, he trucks the rest into an empty biscuit tin ontop of the fridge and turns his attention back to Tenzou.

Who is still looking at himself in the mirror.

Iruka blinks.

Tenzou hasn’t moved from his spot on the sofa.

Slapping on a smile, Iruka moves towards Tenzou and kneels before him. “Hey,” he says gentle, taking the mirror away. “We need to get you something that’ll fit you better than this.” Iruka points at the singlet. “And maybe get you eat something too. What do you say we go out and get you out of these clothes and into something that suits you better, hmm?”

Tenzou doesn’t answer but he does blink his very large, almosts owlish, onyx black eyes up at Iruka.

Iruka holds his hands out in a gesture to carry Tenzou.

Tenzou looks confused for a moment but then leans in, his hands reaching out for Iruka.

Iruka can’t help but grin at that.

*

Suddenly, Iruka understands why the mothers to be in the Academy gets so overly excited when shopping for their new bundle of joy.

The store had a plethora of choices to go with.

There are easily over twenty pairs of children shoes to choose from, in all manners of shape, color, design. There are a lot of shirts, overalls, onesies and whatnot to pick. Iruka finds himself standing there, in the middle of the boys’ isle of the store, staring at the rows upon rows and stacks upon stacks of of clothing and accessories.

“Right uh…” Iruka clears his throat, torn between excitement and intimidation. Iruka moves towards the shoes first and gently nudges Tenzou to look at them.

Tenzou does and then just keeps on staring at them.

“We need to get you one. See? Like me?” Iruka points at his standard issue shinobi navy boots.

Tenzou stares at Iruka’s boots then at the rows of shoes dangling on the wall.

“What about this one?” Iruka reaches out for the first thing his hand touches on the wall. Which happens to be a dark maroon pair of sandals. Tenzou doesn’t respond to that. “No? Well, how about this?” Iruka takes the gray one and still gets no answer. When he grabs the dark blue one, that gets a reaction.

Tenzou stares at Iruka’s boots and then back at it, before looking at Iruka’s boots again.

Ah. Right.

Iruka kneels down on the floor, making a rough guess on what size may fit Tenzou’s small feet. He slips them on to Tenzou’s feet and points at how they’re almost matching in boots color. “What do you think? Do you like it?”

Tenzou wiggles his toes in his new boots before he looks up at Iruka and wiggles his toes again.

Iruka is going to take that as a yes, a bit of something achingly tender going through him.

*

Iruka figures out that Tenzou wants to look like him pretty easily.

Iruka also figures out that Tenzou doesn’t speak. Or maybe he can’t speak because he doesn’t know the words yet.

Within the first half an hour, Iruka has Tenzou dressed in navy blue shorts and a plain green t-shirt with the Konoha symbol on the sleeve to match Iruka’s uniform. Tenzou looks more like a toddler now, adorable, innocent with a bit of a flush on his cheeks as he stares at his t-shirt, smoothing fingers over the fabric and looking between his t-shirt and Iruka’s vest, back and forth, back and forth. Iruka had a feeling this is going to be a common occurrence, so he picks out a color palette that would suit the things he frequently wore outdoors and indoors. It seemed to introduce some sort of ease and form of expression from Tenzou, which Iruka did not want to discourage.

Armed with a large bag of clothes, Iruka sends a clone back to the apartment and takes Tenzou to the grocery store, seating him on the front of the cart. He mostly picks out a few staples, things that he can cook at home for the boy.

Before heading for the check out, however, Iruka goes by the snack isle. Tenzou frowns a bit, wincing, the bright onslaught of color making him tuck his chin inwards, as he looks left and right with a bit of a flinch before focusing on the handlebar of the cart.

“Hey,” Iruka says, gently brushing Tenzou’s hair back. “Are you okay? Is this too much?”

Tenzou doesn’t say anything but simply continues to stare at the handlebar.

“Look,” Iruka says, and reaches for his favorite vanilla cream biscuits, tearing it open and taking out one of the individually wrapped cream sandwiches from within. He breaks it in half and pops one into his mouth, before offering the other half to Tenzou. “Try it?”

Tenzou looks at the offered snack before gingerly taking it with both hands shoving the entire thing into his little mouth, ending up with squirrel cheeks. Iruka makes chewing motions, encouraging Tenzou to do the same, something he does before his eyes widens, gaze darting up to Iruka as he chews. Iruka waggles his eyebrows once, which makes Tenzou’s head tilt to the side before he waggles his eyebrows too.

That makes Iruka smile, huffing a bit of bemused laughter. He hands Tenzou another biscuit, encouraging him to open the wrapper himself before Iruka takes pity on him and unwraps the biscuit himself. Tenzou takes it, a bit of a gleam in is eyes before he shoves the entire thing into his mouth, cheeks puffing out like a chipmunk, his teeth working around it, crumbs spilling out from between his forcibly pursed (and failing) lips. Iruka chuckles, reaching out to dust Tenzou’s chin and front free from crumbs.

“Take a bite next time, okay?” Iruka says, which makes Tenzou look tentatively at the box from the shelf. “Here, I’ll get an extra box, okay?”

Tenzou blinks up at Iruka and then proceeds to chew and hold onto the cart’s handlebar, seemingly pacified.

*

Tenzou’s first meal turns out to be in a small izakaya, where Iruka asks the staff to draw a smiley face on his omurice. The very plate of warm, steaming omurice that Tenzou is now staring at with intense concentration, like he’s trying to figure out if the plate of food before him contains the secrets of the universe.

Iruka unfurls a napkin, gently nudging Tenzou on his high chair, tucking the napkin around his chin and taking the spoon. Iruka scoops a bit of rice, ketchup and egg into the spoon, blows the steam off and offers it to Tenzou.

Except Tenzou recoils, staring at it suspiciously.

“What? It’s delicious! I promise!” Iruka offers, trying to nudge the food towards Tenzou again, who only moves backwards, as far as he can in his high chair.

Oh-kay.

Iruka frowns, rubbing his head. “Look, I’ll try it first hmm?” Iruka takes the spoonful into his mouth and chews slowly, making a show of it to Tenzou who watches him with open curiousity. Iruka makes appreciative noises, humming, nodding, and then rubs his tummy. “This is really good.” Iruka takes another spoon from the table and scoops some for Tenzou. “Do you want to try?”

This time, after a bit of a pause, Tenzou opens his mouth. Tenzou accepts the food, nods, rubs his tummy and then looks at Iruka expectantly.

Huh.

Well, would you look at that.

Iruka takes a bit of salad into his mouth and then offers the same to Tenzou.

Who eats it without complaint. Tenzou doesn’t even bat an eyelash at the green!

Kids _hates_ salads. Iruka certainly did not like salads when he had been a child.

Feeling like a winner, Iruka thinks he might just be able to get this to work in his favor!

He’s going to stuff this child with all the nutritionally dense foods there is and hope that he’d look less goblin with his skinny built and more regular child by the end of the week.

The last thing Iruka wants the Hokage to think is that he didn’t care for his head of ANBU to the best of his ability.

*

That night, after a much needed bath, blow drying Tenzou’s long, soft hair and stuffing him into his flannel pajama pants and a white t-shirt, Iruka sets up a small futon by his bed, arranging the new extra pillows he had purchased, including a long green sausage-pillow with the head of a turtle under the blanket. Iruka tucks Tenzou in, Tenzou staring at him wide eyed as he lays there, hands gripping the edge of the blanket.

Iruka smooths out his hair, and gently pats his head.

“You try to get some sleep okay? I’m going to be right there.” Iruka points at sofa beyond the shelving partition. “If you need anything. Good night, Tenzou-kun.”

Tenzou says nothing.

Of course he doesn’t.

That is, until Iruka switches off the light and half the room is suddenly bathed in darkness. Almost immediately, the small, choked hitching noise coming from the bundle in the futon makes Iruka freeze. He switches the light on again and finds Tenzou looking at him, eyes wide with fear, shaking under the futon.

Iruka tries not to frown.

He tries not to be upset about what he’s seeing in Tenzou’s behalf.

Well, it’s not like he’s got anything better to do. Iruka is already in his own sleeping clothes anyway.

“Want me to keep you company?” Iruka asks, tilting his head. “I can stay, if you don’t want to be alone.”

Tenzou says nothing. But he does look like he’s swallowing from nervousness.

Iruka is really going to have to tell the Hokage about that.

Iruka goes and fetches his book, turning on the lamp by the dresser and taking his perch on the futon, beside Tenzou, the turtle-sausage pillow between them, as Iruka tucks his feet under the warm blanket.

“Okay, see, not going anywhere. I’m going to read here until you fall asleep, hmm?” Iruka says, turning to look down at Tenzou who keep staring owlishly up at him.

Tenzou keeps on staring, even as Iruka reads page after page.

Eventually, Tenzou’s eyes start to get heavy, the chore of trying to keep them open turning to some sort of battle. Iruka pretends not to see, even though his hand is gently petting Tenzou’s head, easing him to sleep.

Within the hour, Tenzou lies asleep, on his back, his head turned to one side, cheek brushing against his sausage-turtle pillow.

Iruka looks down at him and brushes the long lock of hair off Tenzou’s face.

Poor little guy.

It must have been tough, growing up afraid of the dark.

Iruka remembers being afraid of storms, of lightning and the dark that always follows after the initial flash and rumble. He remembers being so scared after his parents died and having no one there to comfort him.

He can only imagine what Tenzou must be feeling right now, not being able to stand having the lights off, even though the living room remains brightly lit.

*

Iruka jolts awake at the sound of rapping against the door.

A small muffled thump and throaty whine makes him look over his bed and he finds Tenzou sitting up, looking left and right, terrified in the semi-darkness of early morning. Iruka had drawn the drapes shut, something he quickly remedies, bathing the room in immediate 6 AM morning light. Iruka throws his legs around the edge of the bed, bending down and picking Tenzou up and off the futon, tucking him against his arm and shoulder, where Tenzou bundles up, hands pressed on Iruka’s shoulder as Iruka calls out a fumbling, _just a minute_ at the door.

Which, upon opening, stands the Hokage.

Looking fucking chipper considering he had been knocking like he’s about to break down the door.

“Good morning~” Kakashi greets.

Iruka just _stares_.

And honestly debates slamming the door in the Hokage’s face, treason or not.

“I bought breakfast!” Kakashi holds up three large paper bags with grease stains and a tray containing three lidded paper cups. “And coffee.”

“Are you feeding an army, Hokage-sama?” Iruka can’t quite keep the sarcasm from his voice.

Kakashi just _shrugs_.

Somehow, that does wonders to get into Iruka’s nerves.

Iruka _sighs,_ and pulls his door open, gesturing for Kakashi to step in.

Kakashi does so, thankfully not appearing in his Hokage-robes, and toes off his boots at the modest genkan. He then takes his perch on the only two seater sofa in the living room space, setting the paperbags down before he gestures at the lidded papercup.

“There’s coffee, if you want.” Kakashi points at the cup which clearly has Iruka’s name.

“Let me wash his face and have him brush his teeth first…” Iruka mutters, for a moment, pacified at the idea of coffee. For now. “Come on Tenzou. We’re having breakfast now, it seems…”

*

Iruka is kneeling on the rug, unwrapping one of the egg sandwiches Kakashi has brought in three different flavors, trying to not to quite twitch but clearly failing to keep his faculties in order. Because, well, to be fair, now that Iruka has unwrapped _a_ bag, this may be a lot of food. A shit ton of food, even.

Kakashi resits the urge to rub the back of his head.

Maybe one bag would have been enough.

But Tenzou always did have an appetite; yes, that is his justification.

“You guys are matching, in case you didn’t notice,” Kakashi deadpans, staring at Iruka and Tenzou’s pajamas. The only difference is Iruka is wearing a white tank-top while Tenzou is in a white t-shirt.

“He only wears what looks like mine and eats what I eat,” Iruka says with a bit of an unamused sniff. “Watch.”

Iruka picks up one of the breakfast sandwiches and holds it over for Tenzou bite. Immediately, (and maybe with a little fascination on Kakashi’s part), Tenzour recoils, frowning at the sandwich. Iruka brings it to his lips, takes a bite, hums appreciatively and then offers in again to Tenzou. This time, with Kakashi’s eyebrows disappearing under his forehead protector, Tenzou takes a bite. And hums. Exactly like Iruka, looking up at Iruka the entire time, as he chews, lips pressed to a concentrated thin line, a bit of a cute wrinkle appearing on his little chin.

Iruka gently pats and smooths Tenzou’s hair before he reaches out and tucks the sandwich between Tenzou’s fingers, gesturing for him to eat, motioning with his hands. Tenzou does so, and continues to do so in silence.

“I don’t think he knows how to talk,” Iruka says, looking concerned. “I was going to come to you today and let you know…”

Ah.

Well.

Tenzou never talked about his time after being found by Danzou or his training in Root. But Kakashi can put two and two together. He had hoped that this shrunken version of Tenzou would be around the time he’s been exposed to speech and writing. It would appear, given what he had just witnessed, that this may well be before that.

Which isn’t a bad thing, per se.

Kakashi has heard stories of how training had taken place in Root. They’d be dealing with a whole set of different issues if Tenzou had shrunken to a time after he’s been exposed to root.

Kakashi frowns under his mask, studying is paper cup, trying to strategize. It’s not his place to disclose any information but he can say this much.

“Tenzou was raised in Root.” Kakashi tugs his mask down and takes a sip of his coffee; on queue, Iruka looks up at that, a little alarmed, a little sharp. Maybe Iruka has heard the stories too. He may have even gotten some of Root’s children at one point because Root or not, no one is excluded from the Academy. They can graduate early but they can’t move forward to genin without passing the Academy. “I’m sure you’ve heard stories?”

“A few. Most of them corridor whispers. Nothing concrete. But…” Iruka turns to look at Tenzou, watching him make a bit of a mess with the cream cheese and pastry, quickly reaching out for a napkin and wiping the mess away. Like he’s been doing this all his life. Which he has, in retrospect. “I mean, I’ve had a few genius children graduate far too early years ago, during Danzou’s time but… well.”

“Hmm,” Kakashi hums, taking another sip of his coffee. “You’ve heard of Orochimaru’s experiments, right?”

“I have. Even years later, I remember the orphanage using his name to scare us, saying that he’d take us away, if were ever thinking of sneaking out after dark,” Iruka confirms, nodding a little bit and taking the paper cup with warm milk that Kakashi had bought for Tenzou. Iruka removes the lid, takes a sip from it and then offers it to Tenzou, who also takes a sip from it before returning to his sandwich.

It’s amazing how easy Iruka makes it look.

“Well, he’s one of the kids who lived,” Kakashi nods, not giving more information other than that. “I’m guessing this Tenzou is probably a little after he’s been found in the lab.”

“Oh…” Iruka says, looking down at Tenzou, his hand gently brushing Tenzou’s hair, petting him. Something that makes tenzou look up and blink at Iruka in question. Iruka just smiles and wipes a bit of the cream cheese smudge from Tenzou’s lips. “That explains a few things, I suppose. Would you be opposed if I started to teach him to talk? Maybe read and write? I mean, while I am confindent in your and your team’s ability to rever engineer the jutsu, I’m under the impression a week may not be enough.”

“Not at all. That’s actually a very good idea. And you’re right. Given that a few rats exploded last night when I did a trial run, it’s not safe to attempt anything. We shouldn’t be hasty. We may have to look at things beyond the one week window. That being said, you’re doing a great job, by the way,” Kakashi says, tipping his chin at Tenzou. “I mean, you haven’t killed him so…”

“Thank you for your complete vote in confidence,” Iruka dryly retorts. “This was your idea, by the way! And he’s a very well behaved boy. I still can’t see why you couldn’t have done this!”

“I’m the Hokage~” Kakashi sing-songs, grinning toothily at Iruka.

Iruka rolls his eyes. “My foot!”

“Hey!”

“And what am I suppose to do with all this?” Iruka gestures at the bags of food on the table. “Look, he has a generous appetite, but what were you thinking? He can’t possibly eat all this! He’s what? Three? Two and a half?”

“There’s ham too,” Kakashi points out. He didn’t just buy the cream cheese ones, you know?

“Seriously?” Iruka _stares_ , very, _very_ unimpressed.

It’s a little unnerving. That judgy look.

“You _can_ eat too. Here, I’ll have one, if that’ll ease your worries, Iruka-sensei~” Kakashi offers, grabbing one of the sandwiches with ham and unwrapping it. “maybe if you eat one of the ham ones, he’ll eat it too. Hey, Tenzou, want one?”

Much to Kakashi’s chagrin, Tenzou too gives him a bit of a judgy look.

Now both child and teacher are staring at him with a judgy look.

In their matching pajamas.

With their hair down.

Good grief.

Kakashi is starting to wonder _now_ if this had been a good idea.

Tenzou wrinkles his nose, exactly like Iruka before tucking back into sandwich, watching Iruka unwrap a ham sandwich from the corner of his eyes before he looks up at Iruka expectantly. Without even batting an eyelash, Iruka takes the sandwich Tenzou has made a bit of a mess off between his hands, and gives him the ham sandwich he had taken a bite of.

Tenzou proceeds to eat that.

Right.

Okay.

Shitty little rascal. 

( _I'm_ your senpai! What the hell!)

It would seem that Tenzou has officially imprinted himself onto one Umino Iruka.

Well.

At least Iruka isn’t an asshole.

Just a smart mouth.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self beta'd.

Tenzou, Iruka decides, secretly, is a baby goose.

A little waddling baby goose.

Not because he doesn’t talk, or make any sort of noise, is as quiet as a mouse, and hardly ever wears any expression, but because he copies Iruka in everything he does. Iruka isn’t an idiot. He knows the signs of trauma and isolation when he sees it and Tenzou, if anything, exhibits all those symptoms. Not only is Tenzou afraid of the dark, he also doesn’t want to let Iruka out of his sight.

He _follows_ Iruka _everywhere_.

Which makes taking a dump a very challenging situation.

Like, right now.

Iruka had placed Tenzou on the sofa, given him his sausage-turtle pillow, turned on the television to a children’s program and had gone to the bathroom. The moment he had closed the door to go about his business, he hears footfalls and scratching at the door, the door knob being tugged, the door being pushed and honestly, some of the most heartbreaking noises a child can ever make coming from the other end.

Clenching his ass cheeks as hard as he can, Iruka had to open the door and stare down at Tenzou, who is breathing hard, flushed, big, fat, crystal tears brimming around his eyes, chest heaving like he’s going through a panic attack.

Which is how Iruka finds himself sitting there, taking a dump with Tenzou wrapped around his chest like an octopus, pinching his nose because well, it can’t be helped.

“You know, you could have waited outside,” Iruka mutters, feeling utterly humiliated, his ears flushed red as he presses the flush button one more time. He had opened the bathroom window too. He can’t help it if his shit stinks. No shit smells like roses.

Tenzou makes a throaty noise, but otherwise buries his face deeper into Iruka’s shoulder.

Sighing, Iruka just gives up.

It can’t be helped.

Tenzou is, after all, a very delicate child, given his background and circumstances. Iruka can’t exactly blame him.

*

Showering proves to be… challenging too. Iruka figures out quickly, however, that as long as he is within Tenzou’s line of sight, Tenzou won’t break down in a fit of anxiety that leaves him breathless with suppressed tears (or worse, making those throaty, small, heartbreaking noises).

Which means showering right there, with one little two-year-old staring at him like an owl.

It is the quickest shower of Iruka’s life.

It’s so awkward but well, Iruka knows that a lot of parents goes through this. He’s heard stories from his colleagues, how they have to struggle feeding their own little ones, how they can’t get a minute of peace, that their only break from their own children, sometimes, is when they’re in the shitter, if they’re lucky. Iruka, unfortunately, isn’t in that category.

And as soon as the thought registers, it leaves Iruka in a bit of a _mood_ , so to speak.

(The kind of mood that makes his stomach swoop inwards, his heart skip a few bits and his fingers and toes tingling with anticipation. Or anxiety. Or joy. Iruka has a hard time pin-pointing the exact emotions he is feeling.)

With nothing much to do, around the house and the weather still fairly pleasant, Iruka takes Tenzou to the park, where he sits him on a swing and starts pushing him gently. Tenzou just hangs there however, watching Iruka the _entire_ time, his head turned to make sure Iruka doesn’t disappear from his line of sight, as if he’s one of those possessed by a demon child in a horror movie. Iruka smiles at him though and talks to him like he’s an adult, tells him about a time his parents took him to the park years ago, that the swing is his favorite of all, because baby talking to children doesn’t work. It doesn’t speed up their learning, and if anything, sets them back. Or so Iruka has been told.

After the swing, Iruka guides Tenzou to the slide. He sits him on top of the slide, then moves to the bottom. Which almost ends up with a (very heart breaking) cry session because suddenly, there’s a huge distance between himself and Tenzou and Tenzou looks like he’s about to asphyxiate.

Iruka tells himself that he cannot succumb to tears.

Even though Tenzou looks pitiful.

At some point, learning independence is crucial.

So iruka doesn’t run up to Tenzou to pluck him off the top of the slide like everything in his body is telling him to do and instead, stays very put at the bottom of the slide and gestures for Tenzou to ease himself off the edge.

“Come on, Tenzou. You can do it, little man! Come on! I’m right here!” Iruka encourages, absolutely _refusing_ to cave to those tears, watching as Tenzou starts to hiccup, as everything about him spins into a wild desperation to just go there and take him off the damn slide already, good grief, those are the biggest tears Iruka has ever seen for a long while and he works with children. Everyday! “Come on! Don’t be scared! I’ll catch you!”

Tenzou makes a small, sad, keening noise, his chin wrinkling, lower lip trembling wretchedly, before he ever so slightly inches forward.

Iruka holds his breath and then, in exactly two seconds, Tenzou’s eyes _widens_ as he slides off the edge and down he goes, right into Iruka’s arms.

Iruka picks him up, holds him up in the air, spins him once and then cradles him in the crook of his arm “See? Was that so bad? Wasn’t that fun?”

Tenzou makes a throaty noise, pillowing his forehead on Iruka’s shoulder, rubbing at his eye. Iruka pets his little head, bouncing him a little bit, rubbing his back before he pulls Tenzou away.

“Let’s try that again, hmm? I’ll hold your hand?” Iruka offers.

Tenzou’s eyes are wide with panicked alarm when he gets placed on top of the slide this time. Before the waterworks can resume, Iruka takes hold of one his hands, and very gently tugs Tenzou down the slide. Iruka cheers the entire time Tenzou slides all the way down, before he grins at Tenzou. Tenzou who simply looks up at him, wrinkling his nose a little bit, rubbing his back side and looking up at the slide once more.

“Again?” Iruka asks, feeling stupidly triumphant and giddy for some stupid, silly reason.

Tenzou doesn’t answer of course.

But he does hold his hand out for Iruka to take once Iruka sits him on top of the slide.

*

“What is _that_?” Kotetsu asks.

“A child -- don’t point! You’ll hurt Tenzou’s feelings,” Iruka says, slapping away Kotetsu’s finger before he tucks a makeshift napkin bib around Tenzou’s t-shirt collar.

They are in a quiet corner at Haru’s for lunch after having spent all day in the park, the marry go round, the swing and the monkey bars, where Iruka had been the only adult trying to show Tenzou how to use the bars, climbing up two steps at a time before hopping down, just to give him some agility exercises, get his grip going.

“Yeah, I can see that but you’re still not answering my question. What _is_ that?” Kotetsu repeats, watching Iruka take a mouthful of rice topped with a bit of oyakudon before offering the same to Tenzou’s mouth. Who eats it. “Iruka?”

“I am fostering this child as per the orders of the Hokage,” Iruka grumbles under his breath, scooping another spoonful of food into Tenzou’s mouth when he opens it again.

“Uhm – _why_?” Izumo prompts.

“How should I know? Go ask him yourselves and if you can get an answer out of him, let me know, too! Until then, I am on babysitting duty.” Iruka grumps, scooping more food into Tenzou’s mouth, gently dabbing some off the sauce from the corner of Tenzou’s mouth.

“You… seem to be… enjoying this,” Kotetsu says, very, very slowly.

Which earns him a glare from Iruka.

“He’s a very nice, very sweet boy. A little trauma, but we’re working through that. We were at the park today, and we had a lot of fun, didn’t we, Tenzou?” Iruka asks, gently smoothing a hand over Tenzou’s head.

Tenzou just blinks up at Iruka, cheeks puffed up full of food.

Something so very warm and tender goes through Iruka at the sight he makes.

Which earns a very pointed silence

“I knew something was off when you invited us to lunch during this time of the day!” Kotetsu exclaims before finally shutting up to tuck into his curry-rice.

“How long do you have him for?” Kotetsu asks, pointedly staring at Tenzou, who stares right back at him.

Kotetsu frowns.

Tenzou mirrors it right back, cheeks puffed.

“Until the Hokage says otherwise,” Iruka says. “Please stop making faces at him, so he can eat.”

“He started it,” Kotetsu grumbles.

“Are you really picking on a two-year-old?” Iruka asks, giving one of his best friends a very pointed stare. “Really?”

“All the same, Iruka, he already looks like he’s so attached to you.” Izumo points, just as Tenzou keeps frowning at Kotetsu and opening his mouth for more food at Iruka’s direction.

“He does … copy me a lot… here, watch this.” Iruka picks up a dumpling from the table and offers it to Tenzou, who promptly shies away from it, retracting as far as he can in his high chair. “Now look.” Iruka takes a bite of the dumpling, then offers it to Tenzou, who takes a bite too, without complaint. “Now imagine that, but with everything.” 

“Everything?” Izumo cocks an eyebrow.

“Everything.” Iruka shrugs, and then gives Tenzou a bit of vegetable in his rice and chicken. “I had to shit with him on my lap this morning.”

Izumo and Kotetsu both cringe at that.

“Showering?”

“He cries if I step out of his sight,” Iruka sighs, dabbing at Tenzou’s chin again when he offers him a little soup. “So yeah, I made him sit on the toilet seat lid while I showered.”

Kotetsu bursts out laughing all of a sudden, startling the poor boy in his seat. “Now I know that is not your idea of being watched while you shower, size queen.”

“Can you be civil for like once in your miserable life?” Iruka hisses, gently rubbing circles on Tenzou’s back. “And don’t bring that language in front of him! He’s two!”

“He also doesn’t talk,” Izumo retorts.

“Yeah, he doesn’t,” Iruka confirms, and continues to feed Tenzou. “But I’ll be working on that. Hopefully. I think.”

“You really don’t know how long?” Izumo asks, showing a little sympathy, unlike Kotetsu who continues to snicker into is curry-rice.

“As per Hokage-sama, for as long as necessary.” Iruka offers Tenzou another dumpling, smiling at him when Tenzou licks his lips and opens his mouth for a bite.

Tenzou isn’t shy about his appetite and that is something Iruka is hoping to fully take advantage of. Tenzou is far too small for his age. Too thin, all sharp edges, it’s a little worrying. He at least has a bit of a rosy tinge to his cheeks now unlike that day at the Hokage’s office.

Iruka can only hope that Tenzou continues to get some color and meat on his bones while in his care.

“This isn’t a pro-bono sort of situation, is it?” Izumo asks.

“Nope. S-class,” Iruka confirms, which gets an impressed whistle from both his friends. “Yeah, I know, right?”

“Must be an important kid. Hey, when you get paid, drinks are on you, right?” Kotetsu asks, grinning cheekily.

“Only you’d think of that!” Iruka huffs, scowling at Kotetsu.

“We’ll help you watch the kid! What do kids do these days? There’s that new water park? The ball pit! Oh, the bouncy castle park near the river!” Izumo suggests.

Iruka can see it clearly. Tenzou just rolling about and being tossed left and right in the bouncy castle. In a swell of sudden over protectiveness, he throws Izumo a glare.

“I am not taking him to a bouncy castle!” Iruka says, smoothing a gentle hand over Tenzou’s head. “Look at him! He’s so small! And those children who play in that bouncy castle are _animals!_ They wouldn’t care about him!”

“Not if we go in with him.” Kotetsu _grins_.

“No.” Iruka mutters, turning away from his friends’ knowing grins. “No! We are not kids! Are you insane? No fucking away! Oh just finish your food!”

*

They go to the fucking bouncy castle.

And like three idiots, proceeds to bounce off the plastic inflated place tossing Tenzou back and forth that afternoon, while Tenzou sails in the air, free of terrorizing children that cannot shove or touch him. Frankly, they may have been a little jealous because Iruka, Izumo and Kotetsu can catch their balance and not once, despite the many numerous efforts of the children, younger and older to topple them, did they fall or roll off to the edge of river.

Tenzou flies.

He waves his arms.

He spins.

He holds onto Izumo, Kotetsu and Iruka’s neck when they backflip, when they get bounced up while sitting down, when they front flip and bounce their way down the slide.

Not once does Tenzou cry.

And by the end of it, for just bit of a second, Iruka swears he sees a crack of a smile on Tenzou’s lips.

It makes the judgy parental looks from beyond the river bank all worth it.

*

Much to Iruka’s annoyance, he has to admit that maybe, just _maybe_ , the bouncy castle idea had been fun.

He will agree to treating his friends to a round of drinks (exactly two buckets of beer – just because Iruka is getting paid S-class level of money, doesn’t mean he should go about spending it so recklessly) just for that suggestion.

*

Iruka is on his way home, Tenzou tucked into the crook of his arm when Tenzou gently tugs at Iruka’s shirt collar and points across the street at a familiar poof of silver hair. Who happens to be approaching them.

Iruka pauses, lifting his hand when Kakashi waves at them, shifting Tenzou’s weight to his other arm as Kakashi joins them in the middle of Tea Avenue.

“What are you two up to?” Kakashi asks, hands in his pockets.

“We just came from the bouncy castle near river! We had so much fun, didn’t we Tenzou?” Iruka asks, tucking a lock of Tenzou’s hair behind his ear. He really should consider tying Tenzou’s hair back or something. It’s a wild tangled mess from the day’s activity.

“Bouncy castle,” Kakashi deadpans.

“I’ll have you know that he enjoyed it. I may have managed to coax a handsome smile out of him too,” Iruka says, gently poking Tenzou’s cheek, who shies away and buries his face on Iruka’s shoulder, balling up against his chest.

“Ah, is that so?” Kakashi drolls, canting his head to one side. “You two heading home?”

“Yes, we’ve been out all day. Got him to play in the park, get him to practice his balance and grip on the monkey bars. He’s a very anxious boy,” Iruka sighs. “But he is doing best!”

“I’m sure he is,” Kakashi says, his gaze sweeping down Tenzou’s back. “I was on my way to get some dinner if you two want to join me?”

“Oh, well, Hokage-sama, we wouldn’t want to impose or—“

“I insist,” Kakashi cuts Iruka off. “Izakaya affair okay?”

Iruka turns to look at Tenzou. “I mean, he’ll eat anything so, yes…”

“I was asking you, Iruka-sensei,” Kakashi corrects.

“Oh…” Iruka clears his throat, flushing a little bit. “Yes – I mean, yes, an izakaya is more than generous. Thank you.”

Kakashi says nothing more but proceeds to lead the way.

*

Now that Kakashi has his full attention on Iruka, he can see why Tenzou would develop a ridiculous crush on the man. Iruka is attentive and patient, his entire meal remaining untouched save for a few bites here and there because he’s so fixated in feeding Tenzou who is sitting quietly and not making much of a fuss in his high chair. Tenzou looks up at Iruka like he is a beacon of light in his foreign world, chewing like Iruka, mouth closed, only opening it for more when he wants another bite. Tenzou shakes his head when he gets offered juice in between his bites, but is happy to take some kakitamajiru from the soup spoon.

Kakashi shouldn’t be surprised.

Tenzou’s favorite soup is kakitamajiru.

Iruka is encouraging and sweet, praising Tenzou and smiling at him when he eats well and tries new things from the table. Tenzou continues to eat off anything from Iruka’s spoon and chopsticks.

But the minute Kakashi offers him a bit of grilled saury and nasu dengaku, Tenzou clams up and shies away, frowning at Kakashi, staring between the offered chopstick and Kakashi’s face. The little turd.

Kakashi’s eyebrow twitches at that. Tenzou has been sucking his cock on and off for over a decade and now, when he gets offered food, he suddenly is all too high and mighty for it? Kakashi frowns.

“He’s not going to take it,” Iruka says but not unkindly.

“Well he should learn to eat off other people, don’t you think? What if I reassign his caring duties to someone else?” Kakashi points out, wiggling the offered food in front of Tenzou’s face. Tenzou stubbornly remains tight-lipped, his chin wrinkling.

“Are you?” Iruka asks.

Kakashi shrugs. “I might. I can’t keep you off the Academy forever. The reverse engineering process is taking a lot longer than I anticipated.”

Iruka is quiet, trying to keep still until he couldn’t anymore when Kakashi touches the tip of the food against Tenzou’s lips.

Who starts to cry.

Great.

“Please stop that!” Iruka exclaims, and reaches out for Tenzou who reaches out for him in return.

Kakashi watches as Iruka takes Tenzou and sits him on his lap, bouncing him a little, and petting his head gently, like the boy in his lap isn’t at all one of the deadliest weapons Konoha has in her arsenal. Like Tenzou isn’t an ANBU captain, raised in the shadows of Root. Like Tenzou is soft, a child with a bright future, not at all raised in death and blood, in genocide and snapping of bone and cartridge. Like Tenzou isn’t capable of leveling an entire town with his bare hands, sink it so deep in the earth and replace it with a dark forest so dense, not even sunlight can permeate through its lush foliage.

Tenzou who sniffles and remains latched onto Iruka, face buried in Iruka’s shoulder, appetite completely gone. No amount of gentle coaxing from Iruka’s part makes Tenzou want to lift his head from his shoulder.

“Was that _necessary_?” Iruka asks, glaring at Kakashi, like he’s offended. Like Tenzou is his own child.

Well, well, well, then.

“You’re going to make him soft that way, you know? He is one of our senior ANBU agents—“ Kakashi gets cut off immediately. As predicted.

“Excuse me but you assigned him to _me_ , in case you forgot!” Iruka says through gritted teeth. “I am well aware of your concept of raising soldiers to be your subordinates, Hokage-sama, but bullying an already traumatized two-year old to eat when he doesn’t want to is not the way to go about it!”

“Yare, yare,” Kakashi holds his hands up. “Maa, you’re right. But this just means, Iruka-sensei that he needs more exposure to people, hmm? To get over the trauma so to speak.”

“It’s why we went to the park. And the bouncy castle. I had two of my friends with me, just so you know, and by the end of it, he was very comfortable being passed around between me and my two friends.” Iruka sounds defensive, feathers ruffled.

With good reason. Kakashi is pretty much purposely getting under his skin, questioning his integrity on raising a child.

The stubborn nature is not at all unattractive.

Kakashi can see why Tenzou _may_ be attracted to Iruka after all.

Iruka really does stand his ground, doesn’t he? All fire and heat, sloped handsome eyebrows and gold specs glittering in the surface of his eyes. Like the universe, Tenzou used to say, drunk out of his mind, mooning into his glass.

Kakashi wouldn’t call it the universe, per se.

To him, it looks like the sun is in Iruka’s eyes. Hundreds of them.

Okay, so, maybe universe is apt.

Tenzou is such a softie, the little shit.

Kakashi watches as Iruka gives up trying to coax Tenzou to return to his meal, instead choosing to tuck into his own meal, at a much quicker pace. Kakashi watches Iruka eat while keeping his arm around Tenzou, his hand rubbing gentle circles over Tenzou’s back, knee gently bouncing Tenzou to calm him. Halfway through Iruka’s appetisers, Tenzou does tilt his head a little bit, peering out from wild bangs to look at Kakashi suspiciously, like Kakashi is the biggest villain in the world. Kakashi can’t help but stare right back, blinking and daring Tenzou to look away, willing him to look away by the power of his own gaze.

Except Tenzou doesn’t.

In fact, just keeps on staring, a knit appearing between his eyebrows.

He’s judging Kakashi. Kakashi knows that’s a judgy look right there.

The little shit.

Scooping a large bit of rice, saury and nasu dengaku, Kakashi all but shoves it into Iruka’s mouth, who squawks a bit at suddenly being fed, trying not to choke at the intrusion of food that is not from his own chopsticks, Iruka’s chopsticks clattering to the table as his hand comes up to cover his mouth.

“What the fuck, Kakashi!” Iruka snaps around a mouthful of food, titles going right out that window.

Huh.

That’s a lot better.

Kakashi registers that instance for a second before he scoops a bit of food from his plate and then holds it out to Tenzou. Tenzou _stares_ at the offered food. Kakashi gives it a wiggle and then, like the sun rising over a torn battle field to signal a brand new tomorrow, Tenzou opens his mouth and takes it.

Kakashi swears it’s like he conquered a new jutsu.

It’s like winning an Icha icha lottery worth of supplies.

… okay.

No. Maybe not Icha Icha.

But all the same, Kakashi’s chest puffs out with pride.

Until Tenzou looks up at Iruka, then mirrors his exact expression. Tenzou glares at Kakashi, eyebrows narrowed down to the maximum before he slaps a hand over his mouth.

Fucking little shit!

Not cute. Not cute _at all!_

Iruka makes a disgusted and irritated noise at the back of his throat, finally swallowing the forcibly fed bolus of food Kakashi had given him, which Tenzou tries to mimic, except it comes out a little squeaky. Like one of the dogs’ chew toy. Kakashi snorts, tucking back into his meal.

“You could have asked, you know?” Iruka gripes, picking up his chopsticks again and resuming his meal.

“Iruka, can I feed you?” Kakashi asks, tilting his head to one side. He’s asking now, isn’t he?

“No, Hokage-sama!” Iruka _glares_.

And we’re back to titles. Ah well.

It had been good while it lasted, Kakashi supposes, chuckling bemusedly. Besides, his tactic worked, didn’t it? Now, Tenzou isn’t a sad pitiful ball of a loser child hiding against Iruka’s shoulder; Kakashi thinks he’s a genius when Tenzou shyly opens his mouth for more soup when Iruka offers it.

*

Tenzou wakes up in the middle of the night with a noise that startles Iruka awake.

When he looks over the edge of the bed, he finds Tenzou curled on his side, clutching his stomach. Iruka is up and beside him on the futon, tugging the covers away, checking if he had a fever, wondering maybe Tenzou had eaten a little too much.

Iruka picks him up gently, watching as Tenzou frowns, his chin wrinkling as he continues to clutch his stomach when Iruka suddenly realizes.

Of course.

Of-fucking-course.

Tenzou has only peed a few times the whole damn day. Nothing else.

Not wanting to have to clean up an accident, Iruka quickly picks Tenzou up and like a penguin, hobbles his way to the bathroom. He strips Tenzou off his pants, crouches in front of the toilet and sits Tenzou there, holding him in place.

A loud, rumbling, clapping fart suddenly slices the silence between them, followed by Tenzou finally doing the potty.

Iruka had to duck and hide his smile against his shoulder because Tenzou looks – to put it mildly – weirded out. He had jolted in Iruka’s grip at the power of that very loud fart, his eyes wide as he stares at Iruka, cheeks dusting red as his little hands grips Iruka’s forearms. Tenzou’s breathing starts to come out a little harsh, as he continues to use the toilet, his entire body clenching.

Poor kid.

Poor, poor kid.

He really has no idea what’s happening to him, does he?

Iruka schools his features to something neutral, even when parts of him can’t help but want to chuckle at the odd situation. It never helps to laugh a child who is clearly confused and going through something difficult (in their mind). So Iruka just remains there, giving Tenzou a few minutes to empty his guts, tucking his hair behind his ears.

“You okay?” Iruka asks, tilting his head to one side, when he hears nothing hitting the toilet anymore. “Done? Feel better?”

Tenzou rubs his tummy, and much to Iruka’s surprise, he _nods_.

Huh.

Iruka _stares_ for a long, long while, caught completely off guard by this revelation. He must have been staring for too long because Tenzou gently pats his forearm.

Iruka shakes his head and smiles, and then proceeds to clean Tenzou up, showing him how to do so, as well. Tenzou is going to have to learn at some point, after all.

*

Tucking Tenzou back in bed at 2 AM proves to be difficult, even with lamp on the dresser on. It’s all okay when Iruka sits on the bed, but the moment his form disappears from Tenzou’s field of vision, there’s that small hitching, throaty noise, that has Tenzou sitting up from his futon to peer over the edge of the bed.

Iruka really would want to catch some hours of sleep.

Sighing, Iruka pulls his own covers off, motioning for Tenzou to get into the bed beside him. Tenzou stares for a long while but then hesitantly, with a little bit of a chin wrinkle as he concentrates, he grabs his sausage-turtle pillow and climbs over the bed. Iruka picks up Tenzou’s pillow, their limbs carefully negotiated, Tenzou wedged against Iruka’s chest, limbs curled around his sausage-turtle pillow. Iruka reaches out and flicks the lamp off and as he predicts, Tenzou tenses in the bed.

“It’s okay,” Iruka whispers, gently smoothing a hand over Tenzou’s hair. “I’m right here, see? Don’t be afraid. There’s nothing to be afraid of, okay?”

Tenzou doesn’t respond but he does push his head further into Iruka’s chest. Iruka wraps an arm around him, rubbing gentle circles on his back, hoping it’d help lull the boy back to sleep.

Iruka waits, watching the minute hand move on his wall clock.

Ten minutes before 3 AM, Tenzou’s breaths evens out and Iruka thinks, thank goodness.

*

At exactly seven in the morning, Kakashi is standing there knocking on the door with a paper bag in hand and a tray of coffee and warm chocolate milk. Gai mentioned loving chocolate milk as a kid so Kakashi decides to see if that may be something Tenzou may enjoy as a kid.

Kakashi knocks a second time when he hears Iruka grumbling from beyond the door, the locks turning before he holds it open, standing there in a white tanktop and gray pajama pants printed with yellow smiley faces. From behind him, the pitter-patter of feet echoes. On queue, Tenzou peers from behind Iruka’s leg, also dressed in a white t-shirt and gray pajama pants with printed yellow ducklings all over.

They’re judging him again.

It’s a little cute, how they match, Kakashi will admit.

Stupid, but cute.

The whole out of uniform get up also seems to suit Iruka more. He's a lot narrower, leaner than the bulk of the uniform alludes to. 

Kakashi holds out the paper bag and tray with lidded paper-cups.

“Hokage-sama, is this going to be a frequent thing?” Iruka asks, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

“Hmmm, maybe,” Kakashi glibly responds. “I have something to ask of you, actually. How do you feel about caring for a child and a small dog?”

Iruka stares at Kakashi mutely for a long time before he proceeds to shut the door.

Thank goodness Kakashi’s reflexes are fast because he manages to wedge his foot between the doorframe and door and proceeds to let himself in, giving Tenzou a pat on the head as he toes off his boots.

*

Kakashi sits himself on the rug this time, around Iruka’s small and slightly scratched up coffee table, nursing his coffee as he watches Iruka feed Tenzou some warm chocolate milk and a toasted egg sandwich. Tenzou looks like he’s enjoying this, because he stares up at Iruka with a bit of a bright look, holding his sandwich that Iruka placed between a napkin, eating his way through the half portion Iruka had sliced for him.

“A dog might help him adjust faster,” Kakashi prompts.

“That may be, but where exactly in this apartment, do you see I can a fit a dog?” Iruka asks. “The poor creature deserves space.”

“My summons is smart and require little to not attention. Just fed, maybe a few pets here and there if you’re willing,” Kakashi explains.

“Oh, I thought – I thought you meant I should foster a dog and not – I’m sorry – why are you insisting on this dog situation again? If it’s exposure you’re worried about, I am planning to take Tenzou to the park this morning.” Iruka takes a sip of his coffee.

Sheesh, he’s so cranky in the morning isn’t he?

“Added protection, security. You are holding the only living man with the Shodaime’s ability, right there,” Kakashi says, playing his cards right.

As predicted, Iruka gives him a look, about only twenty percent judgy before he sighs in agreement. “I guess you’re right…”

“That way, Iruka-sensei, you don’t have to pay too much attention to him. Might free up your time a bit,” Kakashi points out, taking another sip of his coffee.

“With all due respect, Hokage-sama, that’s not exactly how raising a two-year old goes. That being said, I can house one of your summons for Tenzou-kun’s sake,” Iruka sighs, caving in.

What’s Iruka talking about? It can’t be as hard as raising a small not-quite-potty trained puppy, right?

Kakashi nods, bites his thumb and proceeds to summon his smallest, cutest, most disarming summon.

Bisuke appears, scratching his neck with his hind leg in a puff of smoke that startles Tenzou, making him drop his sandwich as he wedges himself against Iruka, staring wide eyed at the small, short haired dog staring back at the boy.

“Hi boss! Hi Iruka-sensei!” Bisuke says, dropping his hind leg and yawning.

“Bisuke, this is Tenzou. You’ll be keeping him company!” Kakashi glibly announces.

“Tenzou-san? But he’s so… small?” Bisuke says, approaching Tenzou and giving him a bit of a sniff. “Doesn’t smell like Tenzou-san. He smells like Iruka-sensei!”

Which doesn’t surprise Kakashi one little bit.

“You’re going to keep Iruka-sensei and Tenzou company until we figure out how to turn him back. Until then, you’re to remain in Iruka-sensei’s care~” Kakashi says, watching with a bit of a triumphant puff of his chest when Tenzou hesitantly pats Bisuke’s snout in a curious manner. “That’s small enough to fit here, hmm, Iruka-sensei?”

“I guess so… it’s good to have you with us, Bisuke,” Iruka says, and gently reaches out to give Bisuke’s head a gentle pat, guiding Tenzou’s hand and showing him where and how to pat a dog. “Like this, see?”

Bisuke rolls onto his belly, easily giving into gentle pets. Soon, Tenzou is kneeling by Bisuke, both hands rubbing back forth on his belly, lips relaxed into an almost gentle curve of a ghost of a smile, while Bisuke’s leg twitches with happiness, his tongue lolled out at all the belly scratches.

“Maybe this wasn’t a bad idea,” Iruka mutters.

“Told you so,” Kakashi smugly responds. Everyone loves small dogs, after all.

“Okay, okay, Tenzou-kun, come finish your breakfast first and then you can pet Bisuke okay? Come on,” Iruka encourages.

And with a bit of morbid fascination and a curious tilt of his head, Kakashi watches as Tenzou stops petting Bisuke, looks up at Iruka, looks at his egg sandwich and then picks up the napkin wrapped sandwich to resume eating, a touch rushed compared to his earlier pace.

Wait.

“Did he just—“

“I think he can understand us, Hokage-sama,” Iruka says, nodding, watching Tenzou finish half his sandwich and point at the other half, which Iruka wraps in a new napkin and give it to him to eat. “He just can’t speak. Or maybe he knows how to, but just hasn’t… you know…”

“When did you notice this?” Kakashi asks.

“Last night. He woke up in the middle of night to poop and after it, when I asked if he was feeling better, he _nodded_.” Iruka picks up his own share of the breakfast Kakashi had brought, taking a bite off his sandwich.

With the new information on hand, Kakashi is forced to conclude that maybe this Tenzou isn’t after he was found in the laboratory after all. Maybe this is a Tenzou who must have already been exposed to Danzou’s training. The initial stages of it anyway.

“How do you feel about running him through some shinobi exercises, Iruka?” Kakashi asks. “I want to pin-point exactly what he is capable of. If I remember correctly, Tenzou graduated the Academy at the age of six. So if he can understand you, then speech isn’t too far out, but neither is his physical training. How was he at the monkey bars?”

Iruka looks thoughtful for a second, turning to look at Tenzou who looks up at him while chewing. “Quite… steady actually…”

“Hmm,” Kakashi studies Tenzou and pulls out one of his kunais from his thigh holster. He hands it to Tenzou. “Here.”

Tenzou blinks at it repeatedly and then sets his sandwich down, stands up on his feet like he’s a different child all together and takes the kunai, dropping to a guard stance, kunai held out in front of him, pointed edge directed at the elbow, knee at a braced forty-five-degree angle and hand balled to a fist.

It’s like staring a different child completely.

Like the boy hadn’t spent the past thirty-six hours or so being molly-coddled by Iruka.

Tenzou stands strong, ready.

“Tenzou-kun,” Iruka says, pointing at the calendar beside the television, exactly four feet away from where Tenzou is standing. “Can you hit that?”

Tenzou shifts stances, holds the kunai by the handle and then throws it.

It hits the calendar dead center.

“I don’t think he’s two, Iruka,” Kakashi says. “I think he’s older…”

“Y-yeah…” Iruka agrees. “But, Hokage-sama, he’s so _small._ He doesn’t look older than two.”

Tenzou sits back down, taking the sandwich from Iruka, continuing to eat like he didn’t just show his ability. Tenzou finishes his sandwich and then reaches out for his chocolate milk, sitting there quietly, sipping through the straw, eyes darting between Iruka and Kakashi.

“He’s always been a bit small for his age, even back then. I was his team captain for years in ANBU,” Kakashi says, rubbing his temple. “You haven’t been to Sakura yet, have you?”

“We probably should, hmm?” Iruka looks at Kakashi, a bit helpless. “I should have taken him. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine; she should be on duty. You want to go now, after this?” Kakashi asks, tipping his chin at the breakfast affair.

Iruka looks at Tenzou, brushing a hand down his hair, smooth the crown of his head. “We must… you are full of surprises, aren’t you Tenzou-kun?”

Tenzou doesn’t answer but he does blink up at Iruka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please protecc bb Tenzou.
> 
> Also lol Kakashi. You are cute.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self beta'd.

Sakura’s jaw remains wide open for a long while as she stares at Tenzou peering out from behind Iruka’s leg. Tenzou who is dressed in black shorts and a maroon shirt with a smiling cat on the front, much like Iruka’s black denims and v-neck t-shirt. This time, Iruka had gathered Tenzou’s hair back in a high and secure ponytail, rolling the length of it in a bun just so that Iruka wouldn’t have to go through the tedious process of detangling Tenzou’s hair later, which is something Tenzou doesn’t quite enjoy.

“Is that—“

“Yup!” is Kakashi’s chipper reply.

“But he’s so small! He looks nothing like Yamato-taichou!” Sakura exclaims, dropping down a crouch, waving her hand at Tenzou, a disarming smile on her face. “Hi!”

Tenzou frowns but doesn’t respond.

“We’re here to make sure he’s okay; Tenzou, this is Sakura. She is a medic and she’ll be checking up on you, okay?” Iruka says, dropping down to kneel beside Tenzou, giving him an encouraging pat on the back.

“He is very attached to Iruka. Best have Iruka beside him or well, we don’t know what he may do, actually,” Kakashi rubs the back of his head.

“Follow me,” Sakura says, straightening up and motioning with her hand to a more private and secure examination room.

*

Which is where the proverbial shit hits the fan.

The moment Tenzou sees a tray with needles in vials after they take his height and weight, he loses it.

Tenzou starts to cry.

Not only that, he starts to physically fight Iruka. Tenzou starts to kick, punch, shove, all while crying and hiccupping, his bun unravelling as he hiccups and keeps shaking his head at Iruka, pushing at Iruka’s shoulders, completely ignoring Bisuke’s barks as Iruka tries to calm him down, catching the onslaught of punches and hits with his hands and trying to talk sense to Tenzou.

This goes on for about fifteen minutes, with Sakura unable to draw her blood samples to do her necessary lab-work when Kakashi just has had about enough.

He grabs Tenzou by the scruff of the neck, drops him down on the examination table, pins him down like he knows Tenzou must know is how you suppress someone in a spar, because Tenzou is actively trying to dislodge Kakashi’s frame. Kakashi grabs Tenzou’s arm, holds it out and tips his chin at Sakura.

“Hurry up,” Kakashi orders.

Sakura takes advantage, surging forward and quickly patting the inside of Tenzou’s elbow with her fingers, rubbing it once when she finds the vein and quickly inserts her needle.

Tenzou  _ cries _ .

He cries and cries and cries, while Iruka just stands there, hands hanging limply by sides, lips pressed to a thin line, patient and just watching this all happen with an expression that Kakashi isn’t quite sure what to make of.

Really, if anything, Kakashi thinks Tenzou is being quite dramatic. If he knows how to use a kunai and throw it with accuracy, getting to that stage could not have been painless. Learning weaponry and taijutsu is not exactly a painless process. Kakashi remembers getting cuts and bruises as a child, something that definitely would hurt more than a small thin needle pricking one’s skin.

The moment it’s over, Kakashi releases his hold on Tenzou, picks him up and deposits him in Iruka’s arms, who takes him and starts to rock him gently, tucking Tenzou’s face against his shoulder and rubbing circles down his back.

Tenzou’s cries doesn’t quiten though, not immediately.

Sakura comes and goes and tells them, “I’ve asked them to rush the lab-work. Iruka-sensei, if you can just keep holding him like that?”

Iruka nods.

Sakura’s green chakra fills the space between her palm and the curve of Tenzou’s small back, her eyebrows knitted in concentration as her palm hovers over Tenzou for a full minute. Tenzou’s crying doesn’t stop through out the entire process, even though he’s already in Iruka’s arms.

“He seems to be okay, nothing out of the ordinary. But I am concerned by how underweight he is. You said he is two?” Sakura turns to look at Kakashi.

“Let’s just say he’s likely older than that,” Kakashi responds.

“That’s worse. Because if he is two, he’s already underweight. Any older and that’s a little dangerous for him,” Sakura’s chakra diminishes, and she gently pats Tenzou’s back. “How’s his appetite?”

“Very good. He eats quite well,” Iruka supplies.

“That’s good; at least there’s a good base to work with. Six meals a day should help, calorically dense meals; frequent snacking is a must. He’s too light.” Sakura takes out a pen and prescription from the drawer and starts making a list. “Twice a day, once at breakfast, once at dinner. I’ll add more to it once I see his lab results. I’m sorry, taichou…”

Sakura gently pats his head, Tenzou’s crying now reduced to the hiccupping stage.

“We’re okay, see that wasn’t so bad, wasn’t it?” Iruka says, peering down at Tenzou. “Sakura is very gentle and would never hurt you. We all just want you to be better. To be strong, hmm? It’s okay, I know you’re scared,” Iruka murmurs, keeping his arms wrapped around Tenzou.

Kakashi waits to be lectured, to be asked if his manhandling of the child had been necessary.

He is surprised it doesn’t come.

*

They are at the park, Tenzou having calmed down and now sitting solo in the sandpit, digging a hole with Bisuke. Kakashi is lounging under the shade of the tree on a bench, Iruka seating beside him, elbows on his knees, keeping a close eye on Tenzou who frequently keeps looking up in Iruka’s direction, to which Iruka waves at as if to say, I’m here.

“You know, you’re pretty good at this,” Kakashi says, watching Tenzou scoop sand in his hands and

“I don’t know about that, Hokage-sama,” Iruka says, leaning back against the bench. “I do work with children, yes. But taking care of one? Even back then, with Naruto, I don’t remember it being this hard.”

“You make it look easy,” Kakashi offers. “Though I imagine it must be challenging.”

“He’s a good boy,” Iruka says, soft and with a look in his eye that Kakashi has only ever seen on Iruka’s face when he talks about Naruto. “How’s the jutsu reversal coming along?”

Kakashi tilts his head back, staring up at the clear blue sky. “Not well. I have T&I seal specialist now on the case as well. The problem is the stabilizing the juttsu enough not to cause an exothermic reaction. The rats keeps exploding.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah,” Kakashi sighs, rubbing the back of his head. “You want to take a look at it? I know from your file that you’re well versed with seals.”

Iruka holds his hands up at Kakashi. “I don’t presume to know more than yourself and the qualified team at T&I, Hokage-sama, I mean—“

“Nonsense.” Kakashi reaches for his utility pack and tosses a small scroll at Iruka. “That’s a copy. Have at it. Maybe a fresh pair of eyes might help with insight.”

Iruka stares at the scroll before he nods slowly and tucks it into his pocket. “I’ll do my best, Hokage-sama.”

“Maa, you already are; I can’t thank you enough for this, just so you know. You really are doing me a personal favor,” Kakashi says, soft and a bit of warmth curling his chest as he watches Tenzou stand from the sandpit and approach them, Bisuke trotting at his heels. “Tenzou is one of the few and closest friends I have. I wouldn’t forgive myself if something ever happened to him. You are, I think, the best thing to have happened to him. No exaggeration.” Kakashi turns to look at Iruka, who is staring at him with wide eyes. “It sounds dramatic, I know, but I’ll owe you big time for this, Iruka-sensei. Please continue to watch over him.”

Iruka swallows, flushing a rather adorable shade of red. Kakashi watches that flush travel down the curve of Iruka’s neck, disappearing in the v-dip of his collar, brushing over the jut of his collarbone. Iruka ducks his face away, his attention stolen away from Kakashi’s words when Tenzou comes up to Iruka and tugs his hand, pointing at the slide.

“Sorry, Hokage-sama, I’ll be right back.” Iruka stands, walking hand in hand with Tenzou mostly leading the way to the slide.

Kakashi watches with a bit of something sitting in his chest that he can’t quite describe, as Iruka lifts Tenzou up with a smile that is as wide at the sky, dimples dotting Iruka’s cheeks, where he sits Tenzou at the top of the slide, holds his hand then cheers all the way as Tenzou slides down, Bisuke barking down at the bottom of said slide.

This happens a few more times, before Bisuke scampers up the ladder, sits himself behind Tenzou and nudges the boy down the slide with his head and snout, right towards Iruka’s waiting arms at the bottom.

And there, right there, when Iruka claps his hand at Tenzou, telling him see, see? You can do it yourself! You don’t need me to hold your hand, something about the way Iruka handles all this, at the way he looks good, raising a child, makes Kakashi wonder why Iruka hasn’t already?

He’d make a fantastic dad to any child he has. Or adopts.

It’s not like Iruka is ugly.

He’s quite not ugly.

He’s ridiculously attractive.

Kakashi thinks it’s got to be the dimples. A man or woman would have to be blind to not be attracted to Umino Iruka.

He’s caring, he’s decent, he certainly isn’t afraid to talk back (well, not with Kakashi anyway; Iruka did just try to shut door at the Hokage’s face earlier that morning, which not everyone would. So Kakashi admires his balls for that). Iruka can be diplomatic, if Kakashi’s earlier interactions with him around the office is anything to go by, which makes him a professional in his field. He’s clearly intelligent, given that the current curriculum in the Academy, according to the Godaime, was actually designed by Iruka himself. Apparently, it’s been yielding a higher turn over of knowledge retention amongst the younger students, which helps solidifies their foundation. Iruka has also been on the board with Torture and Interrogation for years, designing the written exam for the Chuunin exam. He’s one of the grading panelists.

And if Kakashi remembers right, Iruka has a few A rank missions tucked under his belt. Challenging ones.

Iruka is not a mediocre shinobi.

Not by a long shot.

So Kakashi wonders, why the hell is a guy like that not snatched up by anyone yet?

It’s so weird.

Kakashi is about to stand, to perhaps bid Iruka goodbye for now, maybe take the clone’s replacement in the office before the office discovers (or worse, his ANBU guards) that he’s left a clone behind again, when a loud, familiar voice echoes across the park, right there by the entrance.

“Yamato-taichou!” Naruto  _ yells _ .

And so much for discretion.

Kakashi sometimes wonders how his own team has survived the war, as he resists the urge to scrub his gloved hand down his face.

*

Every single parent in the park is staring at them funny.

Every single one.

Iruka tries not to blush, torn between wanting to plant a fist on Naruto’s head and scooping Tenzou up and moving as far as humanly possible from judgmental  _ real _ parents. Instead, he finds himself standing there, like he’s having an out of body experience, watching Tenzou’s eyes pop out of their sockets as Naruto grasps Tenzou’s right hand and proceeds to give Tenzou the most enthusiastic, awesome, welcoming handshake as he introduces himself.

“You’re less scary than your normal self, this is kinda cool! Nice to meet you little guy! Oh wow, look at his arm! It’s so skinny!” Naruto laughs, as he continues to enthusiastically shake Tenzou’s entire arm, making him vibrate on his feet.

Kakashi is already laughing.

Iruka can’t understand why Kakashi is laughing. Or why there is a bit of a hysteric tinge to that laugh.

Is Kakashi okay?

Because this cannot be a good thing at all. Tenzou looks like he’s nothing more than rag doll in Naruto’s very, very long handshake.

Iruka steps forward, intent to put a stop to this. “Naruto. please be a little more—“

A fist comes slamming down on Naruto’s head, as dust from the mad run begins to settle, to reveal Sakura, huffing and puffing and screaming “—gently, Naruto.  _ Gently _ , you  _ idiot! _ ”

Naruto ends up crouching on the ground, cradling his head, whimpering at the fist that had connected solidly, releasing his handshake and make Tenzou sway a little bit. Iruka ends up catching and steadying Tenzou on his feet, very hyperaware at how a lot of the parents are not whispering behind their hands as to why Konoha’s hero, Konoha’s well renowned medic, and the Hokage are currently in the park. Iruka notices how a lot of the children had given them a wide berth, not exactly approach the slide where Bisuke still remains on top (Iruka had caught him glaring at some of the other children, who had scampered away to play elsewhere; it didn’t seem right. But deep down, Iruka didn’t want to personally share the slide… just yet.)

“Maa, maa, you guys really do bring the party, don’t you?” Kakashi uselessly contributes, his hands shoving into his pockets.

Honestly, Iruka just wants to die.

He doesn’t want to be seen in public.

It’s bad enough civilians thinks that shinobi are notorious and bringer of trouble. With the catastrophic scene they’re currently causing in the public park, that opinion is going to get cemented further and from three well known shinobi no less.

“Maybe we should—“

“ _ Oh my gods _ ,  _ there you are! Why the hell are you not home?” _

All heads (including the parents) turn to the newcomer, who happens to be Kotetsu, lugging around what looks like a folded and very large trampoline. Kotetsu proceeds to drag it across the pavement, over the grass and deposits the fairly gargantuan thing like he’s presenting some sort of award.

Everyone seems to take a step back from the party of shinobi huddled by the slide, now accompanied by a large trampoline that easily, three adults can bounce on safely.

“Can you keep your voice down!” Iruka hisses, grabbing Kotetsu by the arm.

“Okay, okay, sorry, uh – hey little guy! Look what I found you? Figured you’d enjoy this since you liked the bouncy castle yesterday.” Kotetsu pats the trampoline.

“Wait – wait a minute, when you said you took Tenzou to the bouncy castle, did you actually mean you went in with him?” Kakashi asks, both eyebrows disappearing under his

When Kakashi words it like  _ that _ , it does sound stupid.

So Iruka reacts the only way he knows how.

He scowls and looks at Kakashi like he’s the dumbest thing on the planet. Because what the fuck.

“Of course I did! Have you seen the children who plays on the bouncy castle? They’re absolute animals! Look how small he is! He wouldn’t have lasted minute in that place and would have ended up with a concussion, broken bones or toppled the whole time into the river! I wasn’t about to just leave him there surrounded by those inconsiderate children! In fact, they were trying to topple all three of us when were there! Can you imagine what would have happened to him?” Iruka gathers Tenzou, picking him up and sitting him in the crook of his arm, scowling at Kakashi who is looking at him with an expression that only serves to deepen the humiliating flush on Iruka’s cheeks. “ _ What _ ?”

“Nothing,” Kakashi sing-songs.

“Hey, uh, so, can I leave this with you? I gotta get back to the gate.” Kotetsu pats the trampoline.

“Why didn’t you just leave it at my apartment?” Iruka scowls again.

“Well,” Kakashi says, loudly, putting a stop to the argument before it can get any further. “Hagane-san has already come this far with it. And we are at the park. You can leave that with us, Hagane-san. We’ll take it from here, find a quiet spot.”

“If you wanted a trampoline, Iruka-sensei, my frog summon’s has bouncier bellies than any trampoline, ever!” Naruto grins, forgetting that his head is still sore from Sakura’s fist.

“Naruto, isn’t that summons abuse?” Sakura narrows her eyes.

Naruto has the decency to actually pause and think about that which makes Iruka just

“I am leaving!” Iruka turns, keeps a firm hold on Tenzou, Bisuke following him at his heels.

“Hey, but the trampoline!” Kotetsu calls out. “Don’t say I never support you!”

Iruka has to resist not giving Kotetsu the fucking finger as he walks away as fast as his legs can, leaving Naruto and Sakura to bring the trampoline along, Kakashi chuckling the entire time.

Idiots!

*

They find a small grass patch of a clearing in the park surrounded by trees, with enough privacy and away from the main pathways to not be bothered by anyone. Or to be bothering anyone. They unfold and set up the trampoline, which is a bit high grade compared to the ones Iruka has seen in the market. Iruka doesn’t want to know who Kotetsu bribed to borrow this. He, frankly doesn’t care.

Because the moment the trampoline is set up, Naruto is the first person on it, bouncing up and down. Which makes Iruka snap his gaze at Tenzou because Tenzou’s lips are parted, as he stares at Naruto bounce around, doing flips and spins. Tenzou looks up at Iruka, his eyes wide, as if he’s silently asking for permission.

“This is fun! Sakura come on!” Naruto bounces and does a full split, spinning in the air like a top.

“No way!” Sakura snaps, crossing her arms, lips wrinkled to her most unimpressed look.

“Oh come on! Don’t be a loser! It’s really fun! Hey, taichou, come on, you’re gonna love this!” Naruto flips again and then bounces on his back all the way up in the air before bouncing down cross legged, doing a zen pose.

A part of Iruka hates to admit that maybe, just maybe, he had enjoyed himself a little too much at the bouncy castle too.

“Look at this! Frog-style!” Naruto poses like a frog, arching up in the air before landing on his hands and bouncing back up, doing the running man. “Running style!”

Iruka twitches, shaking his head. He is not going to succumb to this farce. Not in a public park, anyway. No matter how tempting. Or the fact that they do have adequate privacy. Iruka feels his hand being tugged and sure enough, Tenzou points at the trampoline. “You want to go play with Naruto?” A frown etches itself between Tenzou’s brows. “Naruto is precious to me. Like you. He won’t hurt you. Besides, look how much fun he’s having? What do you say?”

Tenzou looks at Naruto, to spins like a ballerina in the air before coming back down to bounce up in frog-style. Tenzou bites his lower lip, looks up at Iruka and then, with Iruka’s chest puffing out with relief, excitement and something else that Iruka can’t quite name, Tenzou nods.

*

Iruka can’t quite believe it.

He almost wants to cry just a little bit.

Right there, in front of him, Tenzou is bouncing around in the trampoline, hand in hand with Naruto, flipping along beside him, flapping his arms like Naruto, getting passed between Naruto and Sakura (who finally,  _ finally _ caved and had joined in exactly three minutes later). Iruka’s chest is warm with something foreign, something gentle, like butterfly wings brushing upon the walls of his ribs, as he watches Tenzou do a bit of a flip and bounce up in the air in his little shorts, boots and t-shirt.

“How come he’s playing with Naruto and you didn’t have to get on the trampoline?” Kakashi asks, sitting cross-legged against the tree beside Iruka.

“Don’t you have work to do, or something? I’m pretty sure as the Hokage, you’ve got a lot of shit on your plate,” Iruka says, twitching a little as he purposely pretends that the hovering presence beside him does not exist.

He is going to enjoy this moment, this step in the right direction. He is going to celebrate the fact that Tenzou did not need his actually physical display of doing something first before Tenzou attempts himself. And no miserable, slightly pouting under the mask Hokage is going to ruin this monumental step forward. In any shape or form.

“Clone. Really, one has to multi-task around here, you know?” Kakashi points out.

“Of course, Hokage-sama,” Iruka says, trying not to roll his eyes.

A clone. Why didn’t Iruka think of that?

“I’m serious though.” Kakashi points at Sakura who bounces up in the air holding Tenzou’s hands, spinning around once before tossing him into Naruto’s arms, who bounces back down on his back, laughing the entire time, Tenzou wrapped around safely. “Look at him. He’s not even shying away.”

“You’re not exactly approachable, you know? What with the mask and all, so that’s probably why. Can’t show a winning personality with that thing on,” Iruka tartly responds, which makes Kakashi dramatically place a hand on his chest.

“Me? No winning personality?”

“You asked.” Iruka shrugs.

“In some places, that kind of talk can be considered high treason, you know?”

Iruka turns to look at Kakashi, opening his mouth to say something but clamps it shut when he sees Tenzou look a little off. Iruka turns his attention back to the trampoline, sitting up straight and off his reclining position against the tree, narrowing his eyes when he sees it. There. That weird, pinched expression, Tenzou holding his tummy with each bounce. Oh gods.

Oh no.

Oh no, Tenzou’s little butt is going to explode in a stream of poop and this is going to be so humiliating for him.

Oh dear gods, no.

Iruka bolts to his feet, which makes Kakashi bolt to his feet too, Bisuke standing on alert

“Oh dear,” Iruka says, quickly approaching the trampoline. The color on Tenzou’s face is gone now, almost as white as a sheet. “Naruto! Sakura! Stop with the—“

Iruka’s warning comes too late.

He watches, torn between horror, shock and maybe just a bit of laughter (which he feels a little bad about), as Tenzou bounces on the trampoline and there, as he’s soaring upwards, Tenzou’s mouth opens and a spray of orange vomit comes  _ flying _ out of his mouth, right into Naruto’s chest, Naruto’s pants, Naruto’s shoes, and somewhere as they reach the pinnacle of their height, the vomit arches like a wondrous fountain display.

There is a sudden cry of shock from Sakura, who manages to bounce away and onto the grass.

Iruka watches, in mute horror, cringing in unison alongside Kakashi, a soft, sympathetic  _ ohh _ leaving their mouth and with just maybe just a little pity for Naruto, who is now squawking and gets a face full of toddler’s vomit, gurgling noises leaving him. In a show of bravado and maybe, just maybe being a big brother, Naruto grabs Tenzou, flips off the trampoline and lands on the grass.

Where Tenzou proceeds to stand on shaky legs and empties whatever it is he had for breakfast that morning onto the grass.

Iruka and Kakashi both flinch.

“Oh dear,” Iruka sighs, rubbing the back of his head.

“Am I jerk if I say it’s a little funny?” Kakashi asks, a little tentative.

“Not really,” Iruka clears his throat, biting his lower lip, as he watches Naruto stare at himself, arms spread and making all kinds of noises while Sakura, bless her, is hunched somewhere by a tree, shoulder quaking uncontrollably. “Okay, you take Naruto, I’ll handle Tenzou.”

“Favoritism, sensei~?” Kakashi teases.

Which makes Iruka scowl in his direction, hands on his hips. “Honestly, between the two of them, who do you think is most likely to listen to  _ you _ ?”

Kakashi stares at Naruto making pitiful faces at the sky before shrugging. “Fair point.”

Iruka huffs and trudges towards Tenzou, who is now crying and puking at the same time, snot running down his nose as he clutches his tummy and makes the saddest face at Iruka. Iruka who simply tugs out the small pocket size pack of tissue from his back pocket, taking a few out and trying to dab some of the vomit off Tenzou’s face, sour and foul, pushing Tenzou’s hair back and gently telling him that it’s okay, that he’s fine.

“Maybe it was too soon to get on the trampoline, hmm?” Iruka says, dabbing at Tenzou’s chin. “Come on, don’t cry. You’re a strong, good boy. Hey, it happens to the best of us. I used to throw up a lot as a kid!”

Tenzou makes a pitiful face, his nose and chin wrinkling as he stares at his now very soiled front before suddenly, there is a rush of chakra, and a projectile blast of  _ suiton _ hosing down Naruto. Who flails. And garbles under the onslaught of the jutsu Kakashi is directing on Naruto’s person. Kakashi then blows the  _ suiton _ blast towards the tramplene, effectively washing it clean free of vomit and well, anything else.

Iruka is most unimpressed.

He gives Naruto’s sopping wet figure one look, who is now in the process of taking his boot off, pouring water from the toe-opening, giving it a good shake before Iruka turns to look at Kakashi.

“Really?” Iruka asks.

“What? He’s clean, that’s clean,” Kakashi says, jerking a thumb at the trampoline.

It’s not like Kakashi is wrong.

With the most put upon expression, Iruka takes Tenzou’s hand and tells them he’s going home to give the boy a bath.

*

Iruka has Tenzou smelling like shampoo and baby powder, dressed in clean clothes. He is in the middle of brushing Tenzou’s hair when the knock on the door makes Iruka want to lob his hair brush at said door because what the fuck. What now. Just what now.

Iruka sets the brush down, gives Tenzou’s wide eyed stare a bit of a gentle head pat and opens his door.

To stare at the circus just beyond his genkan.

Naruto is standing there with Ichiraku take out. Sakura has a stuffed bear that is roughly Tenzou’s size tucked between her arms. Sai is there too, smiling a little weirdly, holding out what looks like a cake box. And beyond the three of them, is Kakashi waving his hand.

“We bought lunch,” Kakashi says.

Iruka turns to look at his small living room and wonders, where the fuck is he going to fit this entire team?

Only for the thought to be followed by:  _ please don't wreck my poor apartment. _

*

Tenzou is seated against the teddy bear, eating noodles off of Iruka’s spoon and chopsticks, both hands wrapped around the teddy bear paws, which is soft and silky to the touch, while Bisuke naps on Tenzou’s legs. Tenzou hasn’t been able to quite stop petting the teddy bear’s paws, seemingly enjoying himself as he quietly eats his ramen.

On the sofa, Sakura and Sai has taken their perch, balancing their own take away ramen bowl in their hand as they tuck into their lunch. Around the coffee table, is Kakashi, Naruto and of course, Iruka feeding Tenzou.

It’s an incredibly tight fit. Now on is able to move without nudging someone somewhere.

But all the same, once the ramen gets unpacked, the cake set up in the middle along with some serving places Iruka manages to dig out from his kitchen cabinets, things seems to be quite peaceful.

Until Kakashi says, “So the trampoline is at the official residence. I’m going to have to key in your chakra signature so you can access it at any time. I’ve kept it in the back garden. That way, you and Tenzou can have privacy without you having to worry about other children.”

“Right…” Iruka twitches. He doesn’t think he needs his chakra to be keyed into the Hokage’s estate; arguing with Kakashi hwoever, has proven to be quite tiring.

So Iruka doesn’t bother.

Instead, he looks at the ramen bowl that seems to be fillled with endless vegetables. Iruka is pretty sure, and very confident that Ichiraku does not, in fact, put this much bean sprouts, bok choi and cabbage in their ramen. It certainly doesn't come with extra egg. Or extra meat.

“Did you order extra meat and vegetables?” Iruka asks, spooning some a slice of meat and some noodles into Tenzou's mouth.

“Yes, Iruka-sensei, we did,” Sakura confirms.

“Hokage-sama mentioned that Yamato-taichou would eat anything you feed him. Given Sakura’s concern for his health, it seemed like a good idea,” Sai adds. 

“He is really skinny,” Naruto says, mid-slurp of his noodles.

Iruka looks down at Tenzou looking up at him, who is now wiggling his toes under the table before he opens his mouth for more noodles. “At least you eat really well, hmm, Tenzou-kun?”

Iruka is awarded with a blink at that and a small hand pressing on his knee. 

Something about that gesture makes something achingly tender go through Iruka, making him look at Tenzou for a long moment before he lowers the bowl close to Tenzou's chin and starts feeding him some broth.

It goes on like this, the small space of Iruka's apartment filled with hungry ramen slurps. They finish their meal and clear the mess, Sai offering to take the trash out while Iruka puts on some tea. He is in the middle of steeping the said tea, watching as Sakura slices the cake equally, plating five plates, dotting Tenzou's nose with a bit of cream that makes him cross eyed and everything in Iruka warm.

When it happens.

A toot.

A small but very loud, hard to ignore audible toot.

Everyone goes quiet, all eyes on Tenzou who looks startled, his eyes as wide as the plates the cake is being served on, a flush rising up to his cheeks as he grips his stomach and turns to look at Iruka, head snapping so fast it's a miracle he didn't get whiplash.

Tenzou looks embarrassed.

He also looks like he's about to cry.

It must have been all the broth. And bouncing form earlier.

The silence gets so awkward that no one can ignore the small throaty noise that suddenly leaves Tenzou's mouth, as he starts to push Bisuke off his lap, stepping around the teddy bear and crossing the few steps to where Iruka is standing, wrapping small arms around Iruka’s legs, burying his face into the side of Iruka’s leg. Iruka can only gently and softly pet his hair, coming to kneel down beside him.

Until Naruto says, “Hey, taichou! Check this out!”

Iruka watches, with part disgust and part choked laughter as Naruto leans away from his spot beside Kakashi, lifts his leg and lets out the loudest, longest dry and wet fart, the sound of it ripping past his pants, as Naruto punctuates it with an expression that can only be described as squeezing-it-out-bliss. Complete with the eyelid flutter and whole eyes rolled back gesture.

Iruka doesn't know what's funnier. The fact that Naruto pretty much farted on Kakashi, the fact that Kakashi’s eyes are watering as he tries to continue reading his book, eyes twitching and all, or the fact that Sai’s smile remains undisturbed despite this display of uncouth mannerisms.

“Ah, that was a good one, heh!” Naruto says.

Iruka can't help if. He can't stop himself as he brings a hand to his mouth and slowly starts to double over, smothering his laugh, swallowing it because oh god, Kakashi’s face. Oh god, the fucking  _ smell. _

Sakura is the first to react. “Ugh! Naruto, that is so gross! Geez! What the hell did you eat?”

Naruto does nothing and just gives Tenzou a peace sign before he farts again.

“Naruto, please stop,” Kakashi woefully asks, sounding like he's sitting on a cold, miserable puddle.

That is when Iruka absolutely loses it.

He remains there, on his knees, laughing his ass off, as Naruto somehow manages to say,  _ wait, I feel a little more, _ and farts again. This time, Sakura smashes a plate into two right on Naurto’s head.

“It's worse than sewage; may I open a window, Iruka-san?” Sai asks, his smile a little twitchy at this point.

Which makes Iruka  _ wheeze _ , because good grief, how is this situation even real? How can all this be seriously unfolding in his apartment. Still losing it, Iruka waves at Sai to go ahead and switches on the kitchen exhaust and opens his apartment door, laughing the entire time. He takes one look at Kakashi’s very miserable face, as he has no choice but to inhale all of Naurto’s gas given the small space of the apartment and Iruka just loses it all over again.

“Really Naruto?” Kakashi deadpans, looking at Naruto with a very put upon expression on his face.

“What? It worked didn't it? Look, he's laughing!” Naruto points.

Iruka's laugh eases to a bit of a sigh, as he looks down at Tenzou, still clutching at Iruka’s pant leg, his eyes scrunched up in two adorable arcs, as he giggles behind a small hand.

And if that just isn't the most beautiful thing iruka has seen in a long long while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tunnel vision when I am hooked on something new?
> 
> I have to thank Rika for like the latter half of this chapter because she helped with the trampoline, the dialogue along other things! Big great brain that one!


End file.
